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Monday, 30 September 2013

Winter Coat Dilemma.

I should most definitely be preparing for tomorrows Economics seminar but this week shall be pretty hectic in terms of uni work so I thought I'd quickly make this post while I can.

Yesterday I went shopping hoping to purchase a cosy winter coat. To my dismay all I could find came in the form of horrendously over-sized coats. The majority of them are beautiful however you need to be rather tall to pull them off at 5'1 they simply drown me and make me look even smaller than I already am.

                                                                          SLOUCHY MOHAIR BOYFRIEND COAT Price: £89.00

This coat was my favourite from Topshops offerings on the hanger that is. However, when I tried it on it looked truly ridiculous it drowned me, the sales assistant said that they will not be socking anything less than a UK6 in store but are curently selling UK4 online. I was considering buying a UK4 online but I'm sure that it will still be too big. I think I simply have to accept that my height will not allow me to wear over-sized coats. It's just rather unfortunate that this happens to be this seasons must have.

I also tried Miss Selfridge and came across a rather pretty collection of tartan coats however to my horror they too appeared to be over-sized.


I finally went to Zara and found a grey coat. I tried on the small it was too big but I knew that the XS would be a perfect fit. There was a girl instore trying on the XS and she then went on to purchase it. THE ONLY XS IN THE SHOP!


...and so my hunt for a winter coat continues!

Sunday, 29 September 2013

Isabel Marant for H&M

Winter is without a shadow of a doubt my favourite season. I love the cosy jumper wearing, the tea drinking and the festive spirit which the season inevitably brings. This winter we have an extra treat (In terms of fashion!)French designer Isabel Marant has designed a truly exquisite collection for top high street retailer H&M  which is due for launch this November. There are certainly a few pieces which will be going on my ever growing Christmas wish list! 

Wool cardigan, £79.99; leather trousers, £179.99

Personally, I am not too enamored with the the leather trousers, but I think the jacket is glorious and a steal coming in at just under £80. Teemed with a cosy jumper, leggings and a pair of ankle boots this jacket would be perfect for winter coffee outings with friends.

 dress, £69.99 and boots, £149.99 
Perhaps you've purchased the exquisite jacket but want to dress it up a little Voila!  This dress  oozes class and elegance it may be considered a tad pricey for a high street dress but I'm sure it would be worth it for the sheer wear-ability factor and elegance which it brings!

So be sure to keep you're diary free for  Thursday the 14th of November. I shall inevitably be sprinting out of uni that day to queue outside my local H&M! 

Sunday, 15 September 2013

A/W 13

A/W 13

Scotch Soda brown top

Waist slimming belt
$55 -

Forever 21 sleeve shirt

Miss Selfridge black legging

Flat oxford
$190 -

Even odd brown bag
$40 -

I bought this beautiful denim dress/shirt from Forever21 last week. However, my mother thought it was too summer so I thought I'd do a post to illustrate just how easy it is to turn a summer piece into a cosy winter must have :)

Victoria Beckham Dress...Yay or Nay?

Usually I only look at the sports pages of the newspaper as in my humble opinion the majority of the articles in the papers contain useless gossip and nonsense which is of no interest to me. However, today I ventured over to the dark side and in doing so I spotted a picture of Victoria Beckham (one of my favourite fashionistas) In an extremely oversized dress. I personally thought it was exquisite, however my parents thought it was ridiculous my mother going as far as to say "If that's fashion, oh I don't know, society has gone  crazy" I put their negative reaction down to their age and told myself that they simply "don't know what fashion is" However, as I scanned the internet I noticed that there was a copious amount of negative responses to VB's wearing of such a garment someone calling it "The fashion faux-pas of the year" I'm now curious what are your opinions? Am I in the minority in liking such a piece? 
victoria beckham love it or leave it

Wednesday, 11 September 2013

The Enemy Within: My battle with anorexia.

As a follow up to my previous post on size zero, I thought I'd share my experience with anorexia with you.
The Enemy Within
Something changed within me mentally during December of 2010, I don’t know how but it did. I looked in the mirror at 5’2 and 8st 2lbs I looked fat, obese. I naively took the decision to go on a diet before I got any fatter. I did not anticipate the disquietude which would follow.
    My healthy diet hastily metamorphosed into a starvation regime. I began restricting my calorie intake to between 200-500 calories a day, the voice of my eating disorder began to dictate my life it posed as a friend and confident. I lost weight and for the first time in my life I felt in control, it was this control which spurred me on. I expeditiously developed a phobia of food; I recall taking a spoonful of food and instantly spitting it out. I was even concerned about how many calories I had consumed while it had been in my mouth. Calories and weight began to take over my life.
    My life became a cycle of constant lies and deceit. In the morning I would pretend that I had consumed a bowl of cereal, I would wait until it was soggy and pour it down the sink, but leaving a few crumbs to give the impression that I had ate it. I would then run frantically around the house for half an hour and then walk to school.
    In school I was in charge of how much I ate and exercised, this appealed to me greatly. This was the only time of day which I felt fully in control. However, that only accounted for lunch there was also the dreaded deamon that is dinner to be taken into account. My mother would make dinner every evening. We all had the same meal and ate every last mouthful. On reflection, I believe that without these goodly intakes of food at the end of each day, I would have become extremely ill rather quickly. So perhaps my mother is to thank, or perhaps the lack of freedom I was given by her sparked this eating disorder. The last thing I ever wanted was pudding, cake smothered in custard. Each night as everybody blindly yet blissfully gorged on their dessert all I could think about was the fat, the grease and of course the calories. Every meal time was a battle because I craved the food but of course “Pretty girls don’t eat” I would go to extreme lengths to avoid eating the food and the voice within would help me.  I would put the food in napkins, down my sleeves, top and even down my tights often burning my legs.
The cafeteria was like the devils playground to me. I tried to keep my eyes fixed firmly on the ground; however I was still constantly tempted by trays of food. I began to feel that even the presence of food would passively poison me, simply looking at food made me feel horrendously vulnerable. Some days I would exit the cafeteria promptly and walk for half an hour. On reflection I think it gave me a sense of control and superiority over my peers because while they were eating and absorbing calories I was becoming calorie deficient.
    I have always been in the middle academically never too high or low an achiever just average this began to prey on my mind. I was sick of being average I was determined to do exceptionally well in my exams. Looking back makes me feel rather emotional.  I see a girl who was doing well at school, however was sorely lacking in self-esteem and became weighed down by an abhorrently vicious cycle of self-loathing and self-destruction. How I managed to get through my classes is an utter enigma to me, considering the copious amount of my energy which had perfidiously fallen victim to my eating disorder and extreme weight obsession. Looking back the whole situation seems so onerous. Every single calorie had to be counted and if I went over my calorie goal for that day I had to be punished. This is when I began to cut. Self-harm became my only get away a haven so to speak.
I had lost a lot of weight; I had reached just less than 90lbs; however you can’t live on cereal bars and natural yoghurt forever.  I found myself craving sugary food, cake, crisps and other forbidden foods; on reflection I believe that the urge for sugar was my body trying to rescue me from the wretched depths of starvation. However the very second that I consumed a sugary biscuit for example the guilt, self-loathing and the feelings of utter dread set in. “I will weigh 100lbs tomorrow if I continue to eat.” However I wold continue to eat all of my forbidden foods until my stomach felt uncomfortably full, I just could not stop. “You worked so hard to lose all of this weight and now you have destroyed it because you have no self-control” Self-loathing sentences such as this would echo round and round my head. 
I still hear that voice now, the voice of Mia. That is when the bulimic side of my eating disorder began.  It became a coping mechanism it was the only way that I could deal with the guilt of digesting those forbidden foods.  At this point I was weighing myself around 3 times a day and after a binge I could often put on 3lbs. Words cannot describe how bad I felt.  It was like the end of the world to me.  I would then fast for a few days, I’d begin to feel faint but I believed that this was a sign of control and success. I believe that the whole cycle as bizarre as it may seem had nothing to do with food and everything to do with me.
    At New Year I was at my lowest weight. I was surviving on Coke Zero, coffee and Chewing-gum. I felt very weak both mentally and physically. The voice within which posed as my friend had turned out to be my worst enemy. It had destroyed me. The happy, care-free girl had been replaced by a complete wreck. When I look back at the photographs of myself from New Year I must admit I do look unwell , however at the time I believed I was obese.  My body had started to reject food; it had become blatantly obvious that I had a problem. I felt so unwell that I had no fight left in me, I didn’t care if I was going to be found out and made fat again, I had no energy left, I had finally been defeated. I was then diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa (Purge type)
    Food was and still is the enemy. I started an innocent diet with the intention of losing only a small amount of weight.  I thought that I would become happier, more content in myself however this diet gained me access to a world of total self-loathing and self-destruction. A world which calculates your worth based on your weight and forces you to hide behind layers of clothing. I have reflected many times on what triggered my eating disorder. Perhaps, my mother’s non-existent flexibility with regards to meals was to blame for my twisted approach to food or perhaps it was today’s society and its obsession with thin. However one thing which I am certain of is that in a rather bizarre way my experience with eating disorders and self-harm has enabled me to develop as a person. I have become a lot stronger too and have learnt to use that determination which I have which aided in my developing an eating disorder to embracing recovery and becoming healthy once more. I recall during one therapy session stating that I did not want to get better “I’d rather be dead and thin that alive and fat” her response was “Jennifer, the voice that tells you not to eat….that’s the same voice that’s telling you that you don’t want to recover, you have to be prepared to fight.”  I must admit that I still have days in which I struggle, days in which I feel disgusting, over exercise, restrict and purge. I don’t believe that anyone fully recovers from an eating disorder but I am sure one day I will conquer the enemy within me….the enemy that is myself. 
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Monday, 9 September 2013

Sophia Bush-Size Zero Isn't a Size"

Sophia Bush Declares War on Urban Outfitters "Eat Less" Top
I stumbled across some tweets referring to "the war on size zero" which has been ongoing for a number of years attracting a great deal of media attention and I felt it necessary to share my view on the blog.

Now firstly, I'm in recovery for anorexia nervosa and I must admit recovery is without a doubt the hardest journey I've ever embarked on. It is an incredibly hard journey, the smallest thing can trigger a sufferer and set them back greatly which has happened to me on a number of occasions. It is a battle which you must be prepared to fight 24/7. An eating disorder completely ruins your life it takes all of the happiness away and replaces it with hurt and pain, so I'm fully aware of the heartache that eating disorders can and ultimately do cause. 

Sophia Bush Declares War on Urban Outfitters
I do believe the urban outfitters top with the slogan "Eat Less" is outrageous there's no denying that however, Sophia Bushs' "Zero is not a size" is equally outrageous in my eyes. I am a size zero (UK 4) I know that I have an eating disorder but I am currently at a healthy weight and I am still that size. I am very short (5'1) so it's very natural for me to be a size zero.

I am in no way promoting eating disorders or unhealthy dieting. I am all too aware that many models and girls within the general public alike do engage in disordered eating behaviours to achieve and maintain the size zero frame which is obviously extremely unhealthy and I am in no way suggesting that anybody should put their body under such strain. I do believe that everybody should embrace their natural size, after all your natural size is the size you look best at. There are some naturally curvy girls out there but there are a copious amount of naturally teensy girls also and they should not be made feel any less of a person just because they are naturally small!